Resolutions VS Goals

The start of the New Year is when most people make their Resolutions for the upcoming year. Lose weight. Eat better. Exercise. Save more. Etc.

Also most people, abandon their resolutions, two weeks into the month of January. That initial fire doesn’t last very long. What happens? For some, the inertia of their situation eventually takes over. For others, it is too hard to create a new habit.

Perhaps, people should think about it as a Goal, instead of a resolution, and apply the SMART elements.

S – Specific

M – Measurable

A – Achievable

R – Relevant

T – Time bound

While this may require a lot more thought and planning up front, it will also increase the chances of success.

Good luck until 2019, only another 364 days to go!

What To Do When Feeling Stuck?

The feeling of being stuck, with no escape

Stuck, with no escape

photo credit: Pozzo di San Patrizio via photopin (license)

Just over the last few weeks, in several conversations, the same theme has emerged:

“I feel I did the wrong course. What I want to do is different from what I’ve studied.”

“I have anxiety and I cannot sleep. I wish things were different.”

“I am in this job, and cannot quit. Because how do I find something comparable?”

” I wish I could lose 50 pounds. But it is so hard to lose weight.”

These are the times when we find ourselves “stuck”, when change is hard and feels impossible. We wish we were somewhere else, a different place, a different time, in a different relationship, a different body. That we had done something different in the past, so we wouldn’t be here today. That only if we could make someone do what we want them to do, our life would be so much better. That only if we had something – a new status, a new possession, a new development in a relationship, a new job, we would feel OK.

That the present moment is not OK.

I am familiar with these feelings. I have struggled too with this thinking. The feeling of being wronged, being misunderstood, being in a place where I don’t want to be, or think I deserve to be.

My words below are the opposite of a recommendation for passivity. Instead they are a clarion call for action with compassion and courage, for beginning, and beginning again and again, not giving up.

Imagine, yourself, “stuck.”

Recognize you are suffering. That you are worthy of compassion, sympathy, love and caring, just like you would help a friend who came to you with such a problem.

Accept the situation you are in. The present cannot be any different, because we can’t go back and change the past.

The future, however, doesn’t have to be the same as the present. That, you, yourself, decide your destiny. Change lies in your hards, and you need the courage to start and move, even if it seems impossible.

Most importantly, to make a change, even if it is a small beginning. To be consistent with this change, even if you fail and have to start again. The biggest danger is to stop because you did not see any results. Your responsibility is just for action, without negativity or blame for failing, with kindness and compassion for yourself.

Don’t let others get you down with criticism or find fault in your progress. You have the responsibility to act, no matter what.

Finally, every day is a new start, a new opportunity. Make the most of it. Just begin again.

 

 

A Small Beginning

A game in progress

Game

When starting something new, I hear so many voices in my head:

  1. Will I fail?
  2. Will it be hard?
  3. What if I do it wrong?
  4. What if it is not good enough?
  5. And the big one – What will others think?

It has taken me a long time, and I am still a work in progress, but I have developed an approach for such questions.

The approach is to start with a small beginning and think of it as a game.

A game has goals, rules and feedback, which can also be applied to a task in our lives. But a game downplays and sidesteps questions like those above. In a game, if you fall over, you get another chance. If you die, you get a new life. If you hit an obstacle, you get another attempt. Because dealing with failure is built into the mental framework of the game, I find that I can sidestep the critical mind that raises questions.

This is similar to meditation. During meditation the instruction is let your thoughts arise and pass without any judgment. Similarly, a game calls for no judgment as you play. Without any judgment, everything becomes easier.

Still a work in progress, but with a new and hopeful approach.