Resolutions VS Goals

The start of the New Year is when most people make their Resolutions for the upcoming year. Lose weight. Eat better. Exercise. Save more. Etc.

Also most people, abandon their resolutions, two weeks into the month of January. That initial fire doesn’t last very long. What happens? For some, the inertia of their situation eventually takes over. For others, it is too hard to create a new habit.

Perhaps, people should think about it as a Goal, instead of a resolution, and apply the SMART elements.

S – Specific

M – Measurable

A – Achievable

R – Relevant

T – Time bound

While this may require a lot more thought and planning up front, it will also increase the chances of success.

Good luck until 2019, only another 364 days to go!

Mixed Review

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Mixed feelings on The Last Jedi.

On the one hand, it had character development, humor and engaging set pieces. We learn more about Kylo Ren and how he emerged. We learn more about Rey, her deep feeling of abandonment, and her quest to learn more about her parents. We see the leadership and command of Leia. We meet Luke again, and see how he has become cynical, closed off from everyone and everything, even the Force. We continue to see the stories of other characters – Finn, Poe, Gen. Hux, BB-8 – and some new characters introduced – Gen. Holdo, Rose, Paige the Codebreaker, etc. Many of the new characters were women, thus continuing to add balance to the gender ratio of the series.

There were also unexpected flashes of humor scattered throughout the movie, moments providing welcome breaks from the story line of conflict, pain, and death. Poe talking to Hux. Luke being handed his light saber. Luke and Rey. Poe at different times. Finn and Rose. These felt refreshing and new.

Finally, the set pieces of space battles and personal combat, were also breathless and riveting, continuing the tradition of previous Star Wars movies. The arc of the Luke’s story was resolved in a moving manner. And the presence of Leia was touching, knowing as we do, that she will not return in Episode IX.

On the other hand there were superfluous characters, some slow scenes, and particularly egregious story holes. Porgs and the caretakers on Skellig felt cutesy and out of place. The scenes on Canto Bight also teeming with characters, all wearing tuxedoes, didn’t seem to make sense. For a while, in the middle, the story slowed down, with exposition and back and forth. Finally, there were big story holes – Leia in space, the lack of background on Snoke, Snoke’s monologuing and his sudden death despite being so powerful, Luke’s lack of understanding of the importance of the Force texts, and Luke’s presence at the end, both physical and ethereal. These seemed too convenient and didn’t seem to fit the Star Wars canon.

So the movie was enjoyable, but I wouldn’t call it a classic like The Empire Strikes Back.

Coco and the Afterlife

We saw Disney/Pixar’s Coco yesterday. What a lovely movie, seamlessly melding story, song, and screwball situations to create a soufflé of laughter and tears. At the essence of the story –– the dead have their own life, until they are forgotten by their family; only then do they truly disappear.

What happens when we die? Where does the consciousness of the departed go? Form changes to emptiness, but is everything lost? For those left behind, family members and friends, reminiscences have to be as unreliable as their memories. So what is left, and for how long?

Starting with Mexican culture, and the celebration of Dia de los Muertos, Coco creates a fantastically imagined afterworld, where the dead are alive, and living their lives, just like in the real world. If they are still remembered in the afterworld, they can travel into our world on Dia de los Muertos, and see their family. Unless they are forgotten by their family in the real world, which is when they disappear from the afterworld, to a place that even they don’t know.

If we continue this belief, how might it change in our age, where we can rely on technology to help us remember? Will succeeding generations continue to remember more of the earlier generations, and for how long?

Just because of technology support, I don’t think that memories will become infinite, and we will remember all our previous generations. Life will continue to get busier making remembrance an active requirement. Parents will need to spend time with their children to make sure they remember their grandparents, great grandparents and great, great grandparents, not to mention step parents at different generations.

While technology can capture our predecessors in photo and video, equally, technology generates so many images that sorting, filing, and summarizing will again need to be an active effort. Just like each of us carry large photo libraries, yet often have trouble finding a key moment, we may carry records of past generations, but never examine these records. We will be swamped in a “sea of remembering.”

So I believe that technology will not solve this problem of remembering our past generations. Only the active act of remembering can keep our past generations alive, and Coco, made with all the brilliance that technology can muster, shows us it doesn’t require technology. Just the desire to remember.

 

 

What To Do When Feeling Stuck?

The feeling of being stuck, with no escape

Stuck, with no escape

photo credit: Pozzo di San Patrizio via photopin (license)

Just over the last few weeks, in several conversations, the same theme has emerged:

“I feel I did the wrong course. What I want to do is different from what I’ve studied.”

“I have anxiety and I cannot sleep. I wish things were different.”

“I am in this job, and cannot quit. Because how do I find something comparable?”

” I wish I could lose 50 pounds. But it is so hard to lose weight.”

These are the times when we find ourselves “stuck”, when change is hard and feels impossible. We wish we were somewhere else, a different place, a different time, in a different relationship, a different body. That we had done something different in the past, so we wouldn’t be here today. That only if we could make someone do what we want them to do, our life would be so much better. That only if we had something – a new status, a new possession, a new development in a relationship, a new job, we would feel OK.

That the present moment is not OK.

I am familiar with these feelings. I have struggled too with this thinking. The feeling of being wronged, being misunderstood, being in a place where I don’t want to be, or think I deserve to be.

My words below are the opposite of a recommendation for passivity. Instead they are a clarion call for action with compassion and courage, for beginning, and beginning again and again, not giving up.

Imagine, yourself, “stuck.”

Recognize you are suffering. That you are worthy of compassion, sympathy, love and caring, just like you would help a friend who came to you with such a problem.

Accept the situation you are in. The present cannot be any different, because we can’t go back and change the past.

The future, however, doesn’t have to be the same as the present. That, you, yourself, decide your destiny. Change lies in your hards, and you need the courage to start and move, even if it seems impossible.

Most importantly, to make a change, even if it is a small beginning. To be consistent with this change, even if you fail and have to start again. The biggest danger is to stop because you did not see any results. Your responsibility is just for action, without negativity or blame for failing, with kindness and compassion for yourself.

Don’t let others get you down with criticism or find fault in your progress. You have the responsibility to act, no matter what.

Finally, every day is a new start, a new opportunity. Make the most of it. Just begin again.